This was written by someone who goes by the name Cecelia Valentin, a narcissistic sociopath pedophile trans woman who wants everyone to pity him because he’s attracted to young children and is “dating” a 15. He’s fucking disgusting.
Destroying Cissexism In Feminist Discourse
22 hrs ·
This is Admin Cecelia, you can find my actual profile at facebook.com/transgendurr, I founded this page, I make most of the posts. If you are going to continue to read please understand this long status is going to contain some really really heavy shit, if you’re not okay with content involving child rape, pedophilia or CSA it’s best if you continue on, I’ve poured my heart into this post so maybe you’ll want to give it a chance any ways. Please understand that coming out about this in this way has been the most painful thing I have ever had to do, I am going to be completely social drained and will be withdrawing from posting further for tonight, and keep in mind it wasn’t because I wanted to. It’s better you hear it from me than someone else. Also please do not comment unless you’ve read all of this, this would be disrespectful to the amount of effort have put into this.
I’m gonna level with you guys, I am going to talk to you about something no feminist ever dares to talk about. To start, I want you to know I was a victim of childhood sexual abuse, I endured a year of sexual abuse at the hands of an adult when I was 11. Following this abuse and as I grew older I realized that in some part my attractions were not growing with me. Whether this has something to do with my nature, or my experiences, yes, I was capable of being attracted to children. Before you reel in disgust, before you slew insults at me and equate me with a rapist, before you get out of your armchair to stand on your moral high horse and judge me I want you to give me a chance to explain something to you, drag up some empathy for an abuse victim, sit down and let me tell you my story, one you will never hear about people like me.
Imagine, if you will, that you had these attractions, and it was apparent to you ever since you reached puberty that these attractions were there, try to think of it as just your standard attraction to a type of body / person. Think of what it would be like if you felt these attractions in a world where medicine has pathologized you as being inherently doomed to act out and abuse a child, where people use terms like pedophile and sex offender completely interchangeably without distinction, in a world where people openly call for the assault, murder, imprisonment and castration of people who feel like you do. Imagine what this kind of culture, this kind of environment did to my young mind, imagine what it might’ve done to yours if you were in my place.
Think about how you might react to such a situation, I’m sure you can imagine that I internalized all of these extremely aggressive, violent and negative sentiments, how much I hated myself, how alone, lost, scared and vulnerable I felt. I’ll tell you how I reacted to this situation, I will tell you the story of how I got here. Firstly I was surrounded by people (everyone) who told me that being attracted to kids makes you a pedophile and that pedophiles are the worst thing you can be, that all of them are terrible people who act and deserve only the worst of treatment, which caused me to desperately hate myself, and become in conflict with my idea of myself as a good person. I was told victims of violence become abusers themselves, I believed it, I blamed myself and was re-victimized by what I went through.
There came a time when I told loved ones, or at least hinted to them, that I felt this way. I’ll tell you one thing, they were not having that. As you may or may not be able to imagine loving faces changed to hateful and disappointed faces, I was told to never talk about it again, that it was just a phase and received punishment via emotional and physical abuse (spanks) for it. This made me close my heart, retreat within, feel isolated and alone and without support unable to deal with my feelings. I felt nobody in the entire world understood me and would love me for who I am. All of this at age fucking 13. Basically a kid myself, already wrestling with this shit.
Fast-forward to my mid teen years, nothing is changing about my situation so far as support, solidarity or help was concerned. I find I am capable of being attracted to any age really but these feelings of attraction to children are still some significant part of my orientation. I won’t go into the details because I understand how they can be upsetting but as an out I took up drawing so I could draw the the things I was fantasizing about. My parents found the drawings stuffed behind my bed frame. Mostly of myself as a child being touched, but they didn’t know this. I cried, I apologized, I hated myself, and it goes without saying I endured physical and emotional abuse and was basically abused into pretending these feelings did not exist.
Through-out my teen years I struggled deeply to understand myself and my place in the world, I felt like a monster, I felt doomed to hurt everyone in my life, I admit that there came points where I felt like I would lose control and hurt someone, but now that I am older I realize none of this was true or had to do with me, it had to do with what people told me to believe about people with these attractions. I didn’t realize then that I am better than that.
Eventually I figured out that I was transgender woman, my parents had their own opinions and emotionally and physically abused me for most of my teenage years until they finally gave in (I say that loosely, they still aren’t anywhere near good enough). By the end of it I had spiralled into the deepest darkest depression I have ever experienced before. It was in this time of absolute numbness, forgetting what it was like to feel for 2 years, I was convinced that if I didn’t kill myself I would hurt someone. I tried to off myself, I failed, I told people it was because of my trans issues but honestly it was mostly because I felt I was losing my humanity and this didn’t bode well for someone like me. I voluntarily checked myself into an adolescent mental health ward in order to avoid any incriminating things on my medical file (suicidal people can have trouble getting jobs later and etc. which is fucking ridiculous)
During my time here I was subject to a mandatory cis white male therapist with no conception of transgenderism and no respect for me. I didn’t care any more at this point, I was hoping he could help me, so I opened up and I let him know exactly how I felt. He thought briefly about it while I stayed in one of the ward rooms living out my life, and then came back and talked with me and my parents. He told me that I might be able to use my attractions to get myself on estrogen quicker (treatments for “pedophiles with penises is estrogen, which is fucking sexist honestly, testosterone = rapist? fuck) I saw any opportunity to get on hormone treatments quicker as a plus and all I wanted at this point was some respite from this eternal numbness and sadness.
I got out with some anti-depressants, I booked an appointment at one of the most hated medical institutes for transgender medicine CAMH (I didn’t know this at the time but they are super gatekeepers) and I told them about my attractions and how I hear you can get on estrogen faster if I had them. They then called me back leading me to believe I was going to an appointment regarding my transistion. They isolated me from my parents and used further tactics to keep my parents from being involved (so they won’t advise me to how inadvisable this was) so they could take advantage of me and have me in a vulnerable position, and in this appointment they heavily questioned me about these attractions. I was 100% honest about everything, thought it would work well in my favor, I told them about how how I channel my attractions into age play with a partner of mine, about how I’ve never touched anyone under 18, that I had experienced attraction to some kids I knew (as if this should be a surprise for someone in my position.) Apparently that last part set off some red flags in their ethics committee and Children’s Aid was called on my family.
A worker came into my home, talked about my attractions with me, I assured her I’m a moral upstanding person who would never do anything like that. My parents were passive aggressively steaming at me the entire time, so angry that I had told anyone, that I had even tried to get help. The worker asked my little brother if I had ever done anything to him, he had no idea what they were talking about because I had never and would never do such a thing to him. She left with no evidence of abuse having occurred but either way this put my parents on a no-adopt list as long as I live in their house, and it ended up outing me to my brother and basically my entire family (because my parents apparently couldn’t keep this shit to themselves because it was too “stressful”). Now pretty much everyone in my family vaguely thinks I’m a fucking rapist, and hates me, I am further isolated, cut off from support, solidarity, human connection.
By this point I am so ridden with anxiety and depression I start to develop mental disorders and become an overall entire wreck of a human being. I spend every day of my life in the dark, in my room, doing nothing but burying myself into vices like gaming. Not once through this whole ordeal am I treated like a human being, like a moral person, like a person with a heart, a soul, a opportunity for greatness, I am treated as if I am not deserving of understanding and support, not ONE GODDAMN MOTHER FUCKING PERSON cared about me, and made me feel like I was worth a chance. Does anyone here want to tell me that any of this is the appropriate response to a child feeling these attractions? That what I went through, and apparently many people like me are going through is actually helping them or victims of child sexual abuse?
I wasn’t even an adult at this point, I was just a fucking kid, and even as I aged into adulthood I did not feel like an adult. I continued to feel like that lonely, guilty, sad little girl who was used as a sexual object and left to cry on her bed. I continued to feel desperately suicidal and often times I accepted that it was over and something would just take me over do whatever it can to kill me dead.
Two things helped save me from this torture, first was finding a online group of pedophiles with experiences like mine and morals like mine who I could find solace in. But my heart truly began mending itself when I fell in love with a beautiful feminist who convinced me of it’s wonderfulness and led me to see the world in a new light, social power dynamics, these made sense of everything and gave me a purpose in pursuing anti-CSA activism and understanding consent politics. I have accepted who I am, I am open about it to those I feel comfortable too, I feel better because I understand who I am now and what my purpose is. Many have abused this trust I have put in them, I will talk about this later. the same culture which I believe enables childhood sexual abuse to take place. And more generally,to get a conversation started about these things so that not one more person has to go through what I did, as an abuse victim and as an isolated (what I would call) sexual minority.
Do you still feel like condemning me? I feel like telling you to get the fuck off my page, honestly what the hell is wrong with you that you could read this heartwrenching honest story and have anything negative to say about me? It’s people like you, unable to see this issue in any other light, that made me go through what I did, it’s people like you that contribute to the silence culture about this issue and the incurred child abuse culture that spawns from it. I am damn lucky to be here, talking to you about this, having not done something I regret, because it was my destiny as someone born into this culture to be battered and beaten into believing I was a monster and quite frankly who could’ve blamed me if that’s what I did become?
I currently still see no solace in feminism for my kind, I still see no support, solidarity, understanding, empathy, humanity or acknowledgement for pedophiles in feminism. I still feel isolated, hated, alone, useless, worthless, a burden to everyone around me because of what I went through, 90% of the feminist I meet only make these feelings worse. All I see is condemnation for my kind, and therefore of me, as inherently evil people who do not deserve a basic effort by ourselves to understand them, to build support structures for them. to address as human beings who might need help managing their lives. I want that to change. This is pretty fucking obvious right? Like something that shouldn’t even need to be said.
What has happened to me at the hands of feminists?
1. Some pretended to be caring considerete people interested in my experiences and in that way essentially baited me out into explaining my attractions and experiences to them, screenshotted my admissions or whatever, and are now spreading these around to smear my name. Tons of people have one eighth of a story about me and from this are condemning me over it within their circles. They are encouraging people to unfriend me and kick me out of their groups, it is quickly spreading that I am bad news.
2. Some people upon finding out a relationship I’m involved in has a legally wonky age gap (I am 22 and they are 15) decide that I am literally a rapist and xe is literally a victim and that’s the end of it. None of these feminists have seemed interested in anything actually relevant to our relationship dynamics, interested in hearing my partners opinions on our relationship, and in this they completely miss some key points in their condemnation. For one we are both non-binary agender people, same power balance. I am essentially nobody to xir and never have been, I have literally no authority over xir life. It is legal to date a teen if the parents consent where I live, I am friends with xir mother.
Not that this matters because to leftist activists like ourselves relationships shouldn’t purely be defined by their legality, everyone should have an opportunity to be seen individuals with their own story and we are being denied this opportunity every time we are so harshly condemned. Yes, we ,not only I am affected by these condemnations, by saying xir girlfriend doesn’t belong in this or that space you are saying that xe also does not belong in that space either, because xe loves me and doesn’t feel safe in spaces which assign xir victimhood status.
We’ve had threats by feminists of reporting our relationship to authorities, condemning us to being violently torn apart by the state against my partners wishes and condemning xir specifically to the loss of xir love, the denial of xir bodily autonomy, a denial of xir right to self determine xir victim status, and condemning me specifically to potentially prison (which as you know is a death sentence for trans women), most likely a life on a list next to people who have actually committed rape and a hopeless financial career (as if I ever had one in the first place) and also a life without the one I love. Is it just me or is such a condemnation over a simple disagreeal with our relationship RIDICULOUS and disrespectful towards the one they claim to be trying to protect?!
Decide how you feel about me now that you actually know the state of things for me, who I actually am, and not by some vague cherrypicked screenshot of me opening my heart to someone you may or may not know. If you’re going to condemn me do it with the full story, okay? Now can we please have a meaningful fucking conversation about this issue instead of the shit we have now, can feminism embrace people like me and find a place for us to learn and grow and shine? I fucking hope so. Be the change, for god sakes ,please.
This MAN should be in jail. This fucking child rapists want FEMINISM to pity him and work with him to make him feel ok about his perversions. Fuck that. This makes me want to vomit and I hope that the poor girl he groomed and is raping, gets away from this horrible fucking pig.